Remember Me

(Colorado Springs)

A couple nights this week, I have been startled out of sleep by a dream reminding me of my past.  I woke up experiencing the same feelings I felt during that specific time.  It feels like deep sadness.  

During these empty years, I felt completely foreign to myself, and I was looking for love from people as spiritually dead as I was.  I had sober moments when I knew I was deplete of love and life on the inside.  I could be at the trendiest restaurant in South Beach, yet I would find myself in the bathroom sobbing alone, completely lost.  Then there was the day I drove into Colorado Springs, and the sight of the mountains caused me to miss God for the first time in years.  I may have whispered a prayer asking for God's help.  On this same trip, I was partying at an old church which was converted into a night club, later we ended the night at a strip club in Denver.  I was so drunk that night, I had to be carried back to my hotel.  

(the icky night club in Denver)

It's painful to remember my life back then, but it is a great reminder of all the miraculous things God has done.

"Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?  I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. " Isaiah 43:19

"For God shows his love for us that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."  Romans 5:8

I am so thankful that I did perceive God doing a new thing, and calling me to a new life…one in which I could experience "springs of living water" welling up on the inside (John 4).  

I would never have this life (as pictured above) if not for making a bold decision years ago to turn away from my old life, and follow Christ.  It was a leap of faith with more joy and challenge than I could have imagined!  

"Then take care lest you forget the Lord who brought you out of Egypt, out of the house of slavery."  Deuteronomy 6:12

Today I remember the Lord, and I am grateful.